Finally, the Toilet Privacy I've Been Waiting For!

Oh, it's not a toilet? Welp, in that case, I think someone just pooped in your Personal Infrared Sauna.

Fresh from the Cheskymallapeake Bay!

Nothing says "Maryland Summer" like "ship frozen, thaw, heat and enjoy!"

The Coolaroo Dog Bed, as Seen on "Hoarders"

Made from knitted-mesh, the Coolaroo Dog Bed can support up to 23 puppies, 34 kittens, and at least 60 trash bags filled with expired coupons!

Mom Sandwich, Now in HD

The IPS Alpha Panel delivers a 178degree wide viewing angle with bright, clear images when viewed from most any location in the room, even from mom's underwear drawer!

"Yup, the sensor confirms it -- that damn faucet diarhea'd on the carpet again."

Looks Like Someone Got Caught Lookin' Down the Butterscotch Jar!

STOP EATING! JUST STOP IT!

"The Waistband Stretcher is constructed of durable plastic, and can be adjusted to fit waist-bands from 21" to 45 inches. Order today and make those clothes comfortable again!" Ugh.

"________________________________"

It's a surveillance camera disguised as a tissue box! Genius! Can you come up with a suitable caption?

The link to the product can be found here.

Want Sexier Lips? Burn Them Temporarily Swollen!

Take a look at this flattering review for the Lip Enhancement Kit--

"This kit really does plump the lips better than lip plumping gloss alone. I noticed it lasted about 2 hours. The directions say to use the plumping gloss (which tingles and feels "spicy") before you use the pump device; and to put it also directly on the device itself, as well. This burned the area around my lips and gave me "kool-aid mouth". So. I suggest using just plain chapstick or gloss, use the device, THEN use the plumping gloss. It seems to work better, and more comfortably. My husband was even impressed with the instant results; he was skeptical, but he's convinced now."

What Hell Looks Like for Outlets

Screaming faces rotate mindlessly in a three-pronged orgy of despair and maddening convenience -- nobody's protected or grounded in OUTLET HELL

Great for Dad, the Kids, the Car Company AND the Con Man

Somebody Please Mug This Man!

From Skymall.com: "This newly streamlined all-season travel vest has 22 hidden no-bulge pockets and features the patented Personal Area Network (PAN) licensed from Technology Enabled Clothing TEC. This allows the wearer to route wires from personal electronics through a hidden conduit system. Without the clunky exterior pockets, you don't advertise that you're carrying valuables." ...except you just did, Dummy.

I Just Found Out That My Dog's Great-Great Grandfather Was a Slaveholder

Unearth your dog's deepest, darkest family secrets with Skymall's Canine Geneology Kit.

Lanyards and Wine? Skymall's Yuppiest Product Is Also Its Stupidest

Parties are fabulous, but those ridiculous glasses you have to carry around everywhere? So offensive. Let the lower class hold things. Strap that beverage to your chest and maximize your hands' potential at any social function.

Keep Lazy Midgets Off Your Lawn for Good

zzzzz...I Once Got Hit By a Car...zzzzz

In the Daydream Bed, your dog will relive the nightmare of getting hit by a car when he got off the leash that one time.

"__________________________________"

What a remarkable image -- so remarkable that Skymall Product Review wants you to write the headline for us. If you feel so inclined, please leave your hilarious submission in the comment section.

Details on the product can be found here.

Enjoy!

It's Like Sticking Your Feet on a Lite-Brite, Except it's a Lite-Brite that Costs $179.95

"Tree Sculpture" Will Pretty Up That Maple You've Been Dry-Humping in the Backyard

It's called "Spirit of Nottingham." Did Robin Hood have anthropomorphic trees?

Skymall's Shower Squeege Will Pique Your Curiousity in the Most Delightful Way

What are YOU going to squeege in the shower tonight?

Your Dog, Justifiably Confused As to Why You'd Buy This Contraption, Will Assume He's Been Demoted to Living in the Car, and It Will Sadden Him.

Captivating Lamp Could Never Fall for You, Probably Dating Some Handsome, Successful Lamp

The Mademoiselle Floor Lamp, in loving memory of Darren McGavin, the original sexy lamp connoisseur.

"Woah, BOTH kinds of tulips -- real and painted! Very classy. You bet your dick I'll have a glass of fucking Perrier."

"Those things Tuscan or some shit?"

New From Skymall's 'Needy Pillows' Collection

Not to be confused with the catalogue's 'Creepy Pillow' line of couchware, despite how similar they are.

A Refrigerator for Tools! Also, Discrete Alcoholics.

For $300, you can slightly impress a fellow tool-head with the Tool Box Refrigerator. Then you will be pressured into offering them a beverage.

Waiting for the Super Shuttle Just Got a Little More Rock'n'Roll

"Baltimore-Washington International Airport, Terminal G, Arrivals, Blue Zone: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ah Ha! Just as I suspected! This Carton Contains MILK!

For $200, you too can discover the hidden secrets of everyday household products.

...Or You Could Just Get a Pair of Glasses

For Hardcore NFL Fans Only.

Misunderstood Flatware Thanks Portly Guests for Licking the Plate Clean

A Friendly Way to Ward off Solicitors

There's Always Wine in This Frenchman's Pants!

That Shade Looks Real Good ... IN HELL

Well well, somebody got themselves an adorable new mirror to freshen up with. Heading out tonight, sweetheart? Looking for a little trouble? Oh, you'll find trouble all right. Couple of more touchups in that mirror and you'll be unstoppable. Set'em up and knock'em down, baby. KNOCK'EM ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HELL!

Looks Are Gonna Kill Today, Hairless Vixen ... KILL IN HELL

Oh yeah, baby's looking good today. Pretty girl. Pretty, pretty girl. You know what they say -- pretty girls always get the pretty boys. And pretty boys always have such pretty, delectible souls. Just a couple of more dabs on my sniffer and baby's stepping out for a little lunch... in HELL!!!

Creepy Pillow Really Enjoys Sitting With You on the Couch, Isn't Afraid to Talk About It.

Step Aside, "Milliliters" -- This Measuring Cup's Got Real-World Conversions People Can Understand.

Skymall asked people like you what they thought about the state of relative measurement in our country today. The response was overwhelming.

"Fuck 'cups' and 'tablespoons,'" you said. "Give us 'cumulus clouds the size of a bus' and 'body cells that die on a good day.'"

You're welcome, America.

New Ultraviolet Toiletlight Takes the Gamble Out of Night-Pooping

Lights for toilet paper, flusher and sink sold seperately.

Now THAT's Recycling!

You've been hand-sorting your recyclables like a chump for too long. Time to step up your game. Reasonably priced at $300.00, the All-in-One Recycling Center is the must-have product for any recession.