A critical examination of products featured in America's favorite in-flight catalogue
"Display your stuffed dead lover with elegance..."You bagged her, now show her off!
"Honey, what was the name of that lady who cut off her husband's penis?""Lorena Bobbit.""Yeah, that's who I'm thinking of."
Put Your Loved Ones in Really Awkward Social Situations; Perhaps Even Compromise the Harmony of Your Golden Years"You're embarrassing me. These sweaters you made us wear are bad enough.""But not quite sitting has really been a miracle for my knees, honey.""Yeah...As much as I care for the comfort of your joints -- and I really do -- you have GOT to put that fucking thing away before Jim and Susie get here. Your knees will be fine for a couple hours. I'm not asking you to do fucking squat thrusts."
are you warm enough for the paddle?
"Ralph, please tell me you bought the one with the washable cover."
Hawkeye and Hotlips share nostalgic memories of the wild and wacky days of "MASH".
"Sandpaper Pants: When You Can't Afford To Slide Off the Couch".$39.99, unisex.
Are your real parents a bit "too real"? New lifelike likeable parents are now yours for a very low price. They'll never comment on the dry turkey or say that you never call. Order now and receive bonus christmas clothing!
"Christ, what an asshole."
"Kneel and kiss my feet, bitch! That's right. I'm the Queen of Canada!"
Soft and squishy, just like your lap.
Now you can fart on the couch without it getting absorbed into the cushion!
Dirty little secret...We know you old swingers gotta' get yours too! Spice up your living room conversation with this "Dirty Little Secret." What's the secret? That your wife will love being punished with this new remote controlled device. Now she'll even come with her own eject button!Shaka'!!!
Now you can both metaphorically and literally talk down to -- and look down upon -- your loved ones.
"Journey through your twilight years together in peace and style."White, gray, and salt-and-pepper hair pieces available through SKY MALL MAGAZINE."Coming soon: BEARDS!"(Also, I hate how old people are portrayed in commercials. They're just young people with white wigs on. I've never met an old person who looked like THAT. "I'm healthy, tan, and agile! I just have white hair! Ha ha!")
Finally some relief from your zesty enchiladas.
My ass is fucking killing me.
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