Lanyards and Wine? Skymall's Yuppiest Product Is Also Its Stupidest

Parties are fabulous, but those ridiculous glasses you have to carry around everywhere? So offensive. Let the lower class hold things. Strap that beverage to your chest and maximize your hands' potential at any social function.

Keep Lazy Midgets Off Your Lawn for Good

zzzzz...I Once Got Hit By a Car...zzzzz

In the Daydream Bed, your dog will relive the nightmare of getting hit by a car when he got off the leash that one time.

"__________________________________"

What a remarkable image -- so remarkable that Skymall Product Review wants you to write the headline for us. If you feel so inclined, please leave your hilarious submission in the comment section.

Details on the product can be found here.

Enjoy!

It's Like Sticking Your Feet on a Lite-Brite, Except it's a Lite-Brite that Costs $179.95

"Tree Sculpture" Will Pretty Up That Maple You've Been Dry-Humping in the Backyard

It's called "Spirit of Nottingham." Did Robin Hood have anthropomorphic trees?

Skymall's Shower Squeege Will Pique Your Curiousity in the Most Delightful Way

What are YOU going to squeege in the shower tonight?

Your Dog, Justifiably Confused As to Why You'd Buy This Contraption, Will Assume He's Been Demoted to Living in the Car, and It Will Sadden Him.

Captivating Lamp Could Never Fall for You, Probably Dating Some Handsome, Successful Lamp

The Mademoiselle Floor Lamp, in loving memory of Darren McGavin, the original sexy lamp connoisseur.

"Woah, BOTH kinds of tulips -- real and painted! Very classy. You bet your dick I'll have a glass of fucking Perrier."

"Those things Tuscan or some shit?"

New From Skymall's 'Needy Pillows' Collection

Not to be confused with the catalogue's 'Creepy Pillow' line of couchware, despite how similar they are.

A Refrigerator for Tools! Also, Discrete Alcoholics.

For $300, you can slightly impress a fellow tool-head with the Tool Box Refrigerator. Then you will be pressured into offering them a beverage.

Waiting for the Super Shuttle Just Got a Little More Rock'n'Roll

"Baltimore-Washington International Airport, Terminal G, Arrivals, Blue Zone: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ah Ha! Just as I suspected! This Carton Contains MILK!

For $200, you too can discover the hidden secrets of everyday household products.