Merry Christmas!!

Tattoo reindeer lights!! = You are the laziest Holiday decorator ever. Plus anyone worth their weight in gold, frankincense and Mir, knows that Santa has 8 reindeer, not 18!

Your Head Deserves a Bedpan Too

Whats the point of washing your hair in the shower when you can have someone else wash it for you in the living room for $250? It also doubles as magical underwater virtual reality system. Unfortunately though, you cannot buy this product if you have a face, it's just for people with necks and hair.

Catch Skymall Live at The Comedy Store Next Saturday Night ($10 at the door, 2 Drink Minimum)

Your Pet May Be Dead, But Its Dedication to the Support of Your Neck Lives On

Keep your pet's spirit alive--and under your head--with the Warm Whiskers Neckwrap!

All of Your Friends Will Say, "What Happens When You Press the Button with the Car on It?"

People Need to Feel More Comfortable Washing Their Electronics

Hey fudgy fingers, sick of surfing the web with a sticky, crumb-muddled mouse? Go ahead and wash it! Or try washing your hands! And your face. There's powdy sugar all over it. Dick.

Because Your Addictions Are Supposed to Cripple Your Soul, Not Your Travel Arrangements

Turn your drug problem into a drug solution with the Travel Medicine Kit, the perfect way to cram several narcotics, prescriptions, and injectables into one diminutive case without sacrificing the space you need for bulkier compulsions.

Engage Your Dog In a Game of Hide and Seek

I spy with my little skymall eye: Animal Cruelty. For $450 you can hide all evidence of your "best friend," by forcing them to live in an inconspicuous piece of furniture.

"Dude, Your Deer Totally Pooped In My Pool!!!!"

"Dude, You Totally Pooped in My Portable Humidor!!!!"

It's Not Spying If They Can See You

Avoid those pesky "peeping tom" charges by effectively never sneaking up on anyone. For only $60 you can hear and see up to 300 feet away. You also avoid alienating your prey by ensuring they see you right back!

That's the Last Time I'm Inviting Cissy Over for Italian Night

Thank God I had my SkyMall Chair Protectors!

"...And this is where Magellan pillaged and participated in unmentionable acts aboard the Concepcion during his ruthless quest for spices!"

Tell it to your kids straight. Don't just teach them basic geography, fill their over-sized overalls with history and political consequences with the World's Largest Write-On Map. Pretty soon they'll be old enough to reach the Former Yugoslavia!

Happy Holidays Indeed... Skymall Cures Herpes

Goodbye Valtrex, and weeks of crying "It's just a zit, I swear." Hello Dermaseptic.
This miracle product will cure all your social woes and only set you back $100. For those of you without a raging case of herpes, it also clears up cold sores and fever blisters.