Thursday, November 13, 2008

Day Sweat Alarm Sold Separately

There was a time when mankind didn't care about its nocturnal secretions, but with most of the world's social and economic problems firmly under control, we can bring the night sweat issue to the forefront of our simple, clamy minds, where it belongs.

Make no mistake, this alarm will in no way cure you of those repulsive night sweats. But it will sound a gentle alert that can rouse even the deepest sleeper from his sweaty slumber in the wee hours of the morning, leaving enough time to soil two bedsets a night instead of one. Just another brilliant product sprung from the collective loins of SkyMall and the Giant Biosensor company, which is a functional corporate entity and definintely not a gigantic, self-aware biosensor.


Anonymous said...

This product comes with a handy chart to indicate exactly how much you should panic. At its lowest reading you have "five minutes late for a meeting yellow." At the highest you have "Terrorists are selling cookies in america red."
When you wake up, be sure you know exactly how much to worry!

Grif said...

I've made fun of this thing forever, but I didn't realize it's actually made by Giant Biosensor Company.