Comb Your Hair and Give Yourself Brain Surgery at the Same Time

Forget expensive medical bills and embarassing hospital gowns! Comb away invasive neurological disorders with the Hairmax Laser Comb!

Make Tough Love an Approach of the Past

With this flexible screen your child never has to learn the hard way again that doors are meant to be opened before walking through.

Sick and Tired of Your Furniture?

Well with this "ghost vent" Skymall takes care of that problem for you.

Running for Sport or Running for Your Life? No One Will Be Able to Tell When You Do It in Sandals

Peel your SunChip-encrusted lips from that Sherlock, dirty fucking hippies, a struggling American retail industry is pandering to your crunchy asses! Flee from freaky-deeky creditors in style and comfort -- Skymall's Bite Xtension Performance Running Sandals offer ambiguous technologies like the "Enerflow Outsole System" and "sculpted phylon highwall midsole." They aren't just "The world's coolest running sandal," they are the world's only running sandal.

Do Not Attempt this if you own a Mini Cooper

This product also doubles as a full body sling. The only thing more fun then setting it up, is getting out of it. Also their license plate says Hamanaka. I think Sky Mall is trying to tell us its a Man Hammock.

Who Needs an Ipod...

...when all your music can be stored in a convenient 76'' triple-column monstrosity? From the product description: "holds 2262 CDs, 936 DVDs, 528 VHS tapes or 456 Disney tapes."

Regardless, I Will Not Read Your Novel.

What do Hemingway, Dickens, Roth, and Nabokov have in common? They all got the shit beaten out of them for wearing this awful sweatshirt.