Welcome to Dorktown, Fucking Dorks.

Inappropriate for anyone not living at these exact coordinates.

Channel Your Inner Southern Judge With The Latest in Patio Tablet Technology!

Just Another Day at the Office

"Your upper body is what makes you beautiful and appear to be fit or not."

If you don't want to be the only non-beautiful person in the office then the Spring Flex UB is the product for you. Just toss off your work clothes, jump into your favorite titey-whiteys and throw your keyboard and other desk accessories out the window. You're on your way to the new beautiful you, judged solely on your upper body. 

No Need to Turn Around, Oblivious Female Commuter, the Video Screen's Doing it For You!

The woman pushing the stroller appears to be screaming.

Even the Skymall Model Thinks This is a Huge Hassle

Clean your own chimney in 64 simple steps!

"So wait...you want us to eat here by the grill, or..."

Ensure the Worst Tan Lines of Your Life

People never have to know you are wearing "fit over" sunglasses, with Skymall's new Vistana Overx Sunglasses ...unless of course your db husband takes his off and leaves them on his face!

Taking the Lap Pool Up A Notch

Celebrate Darwinism in a recreational swimming environment with Skymall's Evolution Fins.

Cheaper than Sending Your Cars to Summer Camp.

Another Gem from the "Pretentious Illiterate" Collection

For only $250 potentially lead all your guests to believe that you stocked up on furniture at a library yard sale. When people go to check for old cards recording past checkouts they will instead find your extensive media collection. You can place it right next to your showcase of fake books.

Comb Your Hair and Give Yourself Brain Surgery at the Same Time

Forget expensive medical bills and embarassing hospital gowns! Comb away invasive neurological disorders with the Hairmax Laser Comb!

Make Tough Love an Approach of the Past

With this flexible screen your child never has to learn the hard way again that doors are meant to be opened before walking through.

Sick and Tired of Your Furniture?

Well with this "ghost vent" Skymall takes care of that problem for you.

Running for Sport or Running for Your Life? No One Will Be Able to Tell When You Do It in Sandals

Peel your SunChip-encrusted lips from that Sherlock, dirty fucking hippies, a struggling American retail industry is pandering to your crunchy asses! Flee from freaky-deeky creditors in style and comfort -- Skymall's Bite Xtension Performance Running Sandals offer ambiguous technologies like the "Enerflow Outsole System" and "sculpted phylon highwall midsole." They aren't just "The world's coolest running sandal," they are the world's only running sandal.