Skymall Will Pay Your DUI Bill

This Superbowl Sunday cruise around your Superbowl party in style on the Cruzin Boozin Cooler. Bring the ol' cruzin broozin to your next tailgating party and lure the parking lot cops into a high speed chase at up to 15 MPH!! Also does anyone else clearly see that this girl is going to a Redskins game/party and also looks eerily similar to Kelly Minchik and/or Mary Bruce?

RIP Heath

I tried to buy one as a memorial of sorts and Skymall is sold out...not. However if you are a more sympathetic person then I, these retail for $45. Now if only Skymall would make a Joker suit, I for one cannot wait for Dark Knight to come out.

Sell That Purse You Just Stole on Ebay!

Poop and Improve at the Same Time

Enjoy the Rain, Siamese Style

Whether you're an independent couple, or just too fat to share one umbrella, this product is for you! For the appropriately low price of $20 you can piss off everyone within 6 feet of you during a rain storm and really share some quality time with your significant other without getting too close.

One Step Up from the Snow Carpet

With the Snowscoop, all you do is "just push, pivot and dump!" Why does snowfall have to be so disgusting, Skymall??! And why are you using your child's sled to shovel snow, Bill Gates?

Because You and Your Man-Purse are too Good for Snow Shovels

"Roll out this brown carpet over ice and snow for a slip-free walking surface." First of all, gross. Second of all, you are lazy. Thirdly, I would totally use this product.

Doggie Pita!

"Ok, Which One of You Douchebags Put the Beer in the Barbeque?"

This Product Was Given to me for my Birthday Last Year. No, Seriously.

Thanks, Nate.

Old Testament, Skymall Style

Exodus 2:5-6:"Then Pharaoh's daughter went down to the Nile to bathe, and her attendants were walking along the riverbank. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her female slave to get it. 6 She opened it and saw the baby. He was crying, and she felt sorry for him. "This is one of the Hebrew babies," she said."

Brian the Brain is Currently Serving 20 Years in Prison

"This animatronic brain incorporates The Concise encyclopedia from Britannica, a dictionary, and a world history timeline, and uses voice recognition technology to respond to verbal prompts, for an interactive roommate that children can use as an academic resource or as a toy. Not only an academic aide, Brian the Brain asks questions concerning the child's likes and dislikes, using the child's responses to personalize conversations and to tell jokes."

Send Your Party to the ER...Again!

In case the Chilled Shot Machine didn't do the trick, the Do-Nu-Matic surely will. Enjoy dozens upon dozens upon dozens of "delectable" doughnuts all day, every day, until you just can't go on any longer.

Let's Have a Half-Assed Contest--What the Hell Is This Product?

Pretty ambiguous device, isn't it? Skymall has dubbed this impulse purchase"Can Be Reused," which does little to explain its true nature, although we do know that it can be used more than once, a necessary attribute of any uneatable product with a $150 price tag. A little sleuthing will lead you to the inevitably anti-climatic answer, but it might be more entertaining to forge a different identity for this suction-cuppy, corded box here on SPR.

So, what say you? Leave your guesstimate (snarky description optional but encouraged) in the comment section below. A winner will be announced at some point next week, perhaps on Friday.

Go nuts. We don't reach out to the readership that often.

One of these Skymall Products is not like the Others

Skymall Takes Hyperbole to the Next Level with Gravity-Defying Shoes

Shoes with springs in the soles have never been blown so far out of proportion. Donning the gravity-defying shoes will, among other things, encourage "a more active lifestyle," make you "look like a million dollars," and, oddly enough, "provide you with access to a breakthrough in your active lifestyle, all while looking like a distinguished gentleman deserving of a cover story in a quality men's magazine." Complementary photo shoots at DNA magazine no longer free with purchase.

Battery-Powered Appliance Out of Power? Confirm Your Misgivings with a Battery Tester!

There are so many ways to tell whether your batteries are out of juice--here's a more expensive one. Capable of measuring the capacity of all batteries, light bulbs, and fuses. Incapable of measuring the pain inflicted by a sack full of batteries, light bulbs, and fuses.

Remember That Time You Went Batshit Crazy on Mushrooms During Your Honeymoon?

...We do, thanks to the Phillips Digital Photo Frame!

Send Your Whole Party to the ER

Jager, anyone? Your guests will be unable to refuse a shot from this adorable Chilled Shot Machine. Bottoms up!