Spice Up Your Kitchen with the Flavor of the Islands! And by "Islands" I Mean "Doctor's Office!"

Wall Mounted Magazine Rack, hang it next to the apples, pears and throat swabs.

With the Shake of Thy Wand I Turn Thee Veggies into Cheetos

Oh, that's not how the Nano-UV Wand works?

How's the Weather Up There, China and India? Mathy?

The Find X Tee is as unfunny as it is terrifying.

Smother Yourself in Warmth

The latest from SkyMall's Needy Textiles collection.

Cutting is Over!

Pack up your knives and throw away your razors, tweens! Self-mutilate for the new millennium and burn the skin right off your body! Relieve the pain your mother just doesn't understand with the Infrared LED Pain Reliever. It's a cry for help...to the third degree!

Women Can Read Too!

Deluxe Prism Glasses fit nicely with SkyMall's "Women Stuggling with Words" line of visionwear.

Perfect for a Blustery Day off the Pacific Northwest Coast

Send a message in a bottle man to his watery grave with the Nuclear Globe!

Holy Pepperoni! Nice Bald Death Stare Small Ear Karate Pants. I Mean, Nice Abs!

The Ab Radical Abdominal Optimizer will get you thinking about everything but abs!

This'll Teach My Chin Not to Poop on the Good Carpet

FaceTrainer is "the only fitness device that applies the proven principals of resistance training to facial muscles." Also, it's made by a company called No!No!. The marketers behind this should Know!Know! better.

This Woman Has No Idea How to Use a Tampon

"The Tranquil Sounds Oxygen Bar replenishes, renews and rejuvenates you down to the cell. Headset delivers oxygen for easy concentrated inhalation." Barf.

Every Single Hand Model in the Entire World Was Busy the Day This Photo Was Taken

(Key, Wallet & Glasses Finders)

"Somebody call a f*cking ambulance!"

"PupSTEP Plus Pet Stairs make it easier for older dogs and cats, pets with joint problems, or even just tired pets, to get up onto their favorite couch, chair or bed..." and die.

Shower Heads From the "Double Dare" Collection

The kind of shower Marc and Robin would have wanted you to take.

There Was an Earthquake in Haiti