You Mailed That Insurance Check, Right?

"No Training Wheels for You, Alexander, I've Purchased What Is Essentially a Wooden Scooter!"

The "Wooden Balance Bike," for Scandinavian tykes having a difficult time coping with all of this "growing up" business. Nobody on the playground is going to poke fun at an athletically-disinclined youngster straddling a faux bicycle that goes by the name of "Skuut." Replacement children sold separately.

Give Your Car the Privacy it Deserves!!

$600 is a small price to pay for the comfort your car will have knowing that it can handle its' "business" in private. How would you feel if you had all your hardware exposed? For just $1200 you can be a truly sympathetic owner and ensure that not just the right half, but the whole car has much needed alone time. While this clear, see-through plastic car curtain provides an emotional coverage it must be stated that it offers no protection from physical damages.

Your Marriage is Doomed Anyway

So why not put the final nail in the coffin with a pair of Wireless Headphones? Once you slip these on (along with your crisp hospital pjs), you'll forget all about the significant other laying next to you in your communal twin bed. Get the feel of a deluxe surround-sound system, even in your 8x10 domestic dorm room.

Teach Your Kids How to Grill Like a 13th Century Little Aztec Girl

Be the Man of the Grill with the 2-Piece Chimenea from Sky Mall. Prepare delicious wood-smoked franks while endangering your pets and small children with this exposed fire hole.

Showcase Your Love of Batman and Ability to Read Small, Numberless Clocks at the Same Time

With a low price like $45.99, the only thing you should be asking yourself about the Batman Collapsible Desk Clock is, "why on earth does my desk clock need to be collapsible?"

Tired of Not Breaking Your Ankle? Skymall Can Help!

For just $30, you are guaranteed a 12 hour trip to the Emergency Room and a multitude of expensive doctors visits.

Aw, Shucks! I am an Athlete!

Confirm to your golfing buddies, in the desert, that you are the ultimate athlete with the $29.99 Trion:Z Bracelet or Necklace. With its proven ability to increase blood flow and reduce stress the only thing you have to worry about is how to keep your skin the same color as your shirt!

Turn Your Car Into a Taxi Cab for Dogs

Your dog has places to go: Morning meetings at Goldman, Power lunches at Michael's, cocktails at Cipriani Downtown, The Disco Biscuits show at Hammerstein, and suit-fittings at John Varvatos. Step on it, cabbie... and keep the change!

The $150 "Swirl Stool"

Sit and swerve on this super seat slash stool slash sculpture. Swively Swirl Stool swells the senses with salivating sentiment. Swirl Stool. Swirl Stool. Swirl stool.

Too Safe To Not Photoshop Onto a Profile Model's Ear

This is the Drive Alert Master, a diminutive way to stay awake in the car on those special highway jaunts when consciousness is priority No. 1. The DAM will sound a piercing beep at the "first sound of drowsiness," which we have to assume constitutes any cranial movement of 2 inches or more. Feel at total ease on your next cross-country venture as your earpiece blasts arbitrary alarm after arbitrary alarm through your head, steadying your nerves and your hand. Shit-eating grin optional.

Make Booger Seats a Problem of the Past!

If they aren't eating them, they are usually wiping them on your fine leather seats. Show your kids who's boss by officially robbing them of their favorite hobby, picking their nose.

Show The Band You REALLY Care

Ensure that you are the coolest "half face" at any concert with this GIANT lighter. That is if you can get it past stadium security. For $29.95 you can put those drunk assholes in the row in front of you in their rightful place.

OMG A Briefcase for Girls!!!!!!!!!

Calling all working women: Isn't it time you got the respect you deserve at work? Power through the corporate glass ceiling and secure a dollar-to-dollar gender wage ratio with The Ladies Laptop Briefcase. No MAN is going to tell THIS future-exec where she can and cannot wheel her briefcase!